sanguinarysanguinity:

Lewis: Gee, this is my partner! I know my partner, huh? Now how many suicides him and me stood over together? And always the speeches. Crosetti believes in God, Gee. My partner did not kill himself, Gee. I know the man. Somebody did something to Steve.


Gee
: Ask Meldrick.
Howard: …ask Meldrick?
Felton: Lewis would know.
Bayliss: I don’t know, check with Meldrick.
Pembleton: What’s Lewis say?


Bolander
: What are you scared of, Mel?
Lewis: Not you.
Bolander: You can’t protect Steve anymore. He’s dead. You protecting him? You protecting yourself, maybe.


Munch
: The M.E. has a preliminary report. Steve drowned.
Lewis: It was an accident.
Munch: In his blood and tissue toxicology he had .25 blood alcohol.
Lewis: So he’s drunk.
Munch: And his stomach and kidneys was [list of drugs]. I mean the guy was a walking drugstore full of tranks and antidepressants when he hit the water.
Lewis: It’s preliminary, huh!? It’s just preliminary.

— 3x04, Homicide: Life on the Street, “Crosetti”

…this sequence — or rather, perhaps, the moment when Lewis goes to pieces — was one of two moments that made the episode for me. I’d known going in that this episode would be hard: the closest I’ve ever been to suicide in my life was in the days immediately after a close friend had killed herself. It wasn’t just that a close friend had died. I could not cope with the knowledge that I hadn’t realized, I hadn’t known, I had failed her.

You love someone, you’re their friend, how could you not know? What kind of friend doesn’t know? You’re their friend, wasn’t it your job to keep them safe? To be there when they needed you? How could you have not known, how could you have not been there, was there anything you might have done to turn it, was there anything you should have recognized, how could you not know, how could you have failed them like that? How could you not have known? A friend — a true friend — would have known.

It was the closest to suicide I’ve ever come in my life. I couldn’t deal with the failure and guilt and self-recrimination. It was agony. And I couldn’t make it stop.

…so this portrait here, where everyone is all unknowingly saying that Lewis would know, Lewis should have known, ask Lewis… Even Lewis insisting that it couldn’t be suicide, because he would have known… Lewis would prefer anything, even murder, to it having been suicide. (In part that’s because he’s a homicide detective — he has tools for handling murder — but that’s not nearly all of it.)

And then, when it becomes incontrovertible… Most stuff on TV doesn’t get death right, doesn’t get grieving right, doesn’t get surviving someone else’s death right.

This show got it right.

sanguinarysanguinity:

…and this was the other moment that made the episode for me.

All through that funeral, grrlpup and I were saying, “There’s no one there. It’s a cop funeral, and there’s no one there.” (Grrlpup spent fifteen years working for the local cop shop. Do you know how many people turn out for an officer’s funeral? For the very biggest ones, the Bureau rents the mega-church in Clackamas: there is no church large enough inside of Portland city limits, you have to go to the suburbs to get a church big enough.) It is a cop funeral, and there is no one there.

Because he died from suicide. Which is allegedly a dishonorable death. A coward’s death. A cheater’s death. If it’s suicide, you don’t get to be buried in consecrated ground. If it’s suicide, you don’t get an honor guard.

I hate that sentiment SO FUCKING MUCH. People don’t commit suicide lightly. The personal hells that people go through, leading up to their suicides: there’s nothing cowardly there. And especially not in how long they tend to have endured beforehand. The decision isn’t easy. It’s never fucking easy.

(All of this bullshit about people who commit suicide don’t deserve our respect? I’m convinced it’s people turning their how could I have failed them? inability-to-deal agony back onto the deceased. When in pain, strike out. If it’s his fault, if he’s to blame, if he’s in the wrong, then it’s not me. If he was weak, then I didn’t fail him.)

And it sure as hell isn’t like suicide nullifies everything someone ever did in one’s life. As one of the officers pointed out in the ep, Crosetti had years of service, he had once been shot in the line of duty. However he died — and he hadn’t disgraced his uniform when he died — he had earned his honor guard.

…and so the show gave him an honor guard. A one-man honor guard, to be sure, but an honor guard.

Because he lived and then he died, and that deserves our respect.

whitlockienterprisespresents:

Bolander: This is my investigation. Crosetti is my case, it’s my responsibility. What you’re doing is called obstructing justice.

Lewis: No, what I’m doing is called investigating in an impartial manner instead of dirtying a man’s reputation.

Bolander: What are you scared of Meldrick?

Lewis: Not you.

Bolander: You can’t protect Steve anymore. He’s dead.

.

TV Show Meme

3 Episodes That Make Me Cry (2/3)

Crosetti - Homicide: Life on the Street

.

Damn it, I nearly cried when they cracked out John Lee Hooker’s I Cover the Waterfront after the opening credits, and nothing sad had happened yet (I was just pretty sure I knew what was gonna happen and the song DID NOT help). It’s a lovely, quiet episode, and not very dramatic at all, mostly absorbed in the plain, practical elements of preparing for a funeral, and the departmental politics around burying one of your own. It’s Meldrick Lewis’ episode really, and it’s wonderfully understated in that way; his crusade strangely detached, himself engaged fullforce but the emotion just hanging back, trying not to interfere. If this was your regular cliche program, that crusade would bear fruit at episode’s end, and there’d be a triumphant catharsis in knowing that Lewis was right after all, that he knew his partner and stuck by him when everyone else was ready to presume the worst. But this is not your regular cliche program, and Lewis is in denial, and there is no triumphant catharsis in finally being forced to face an irrefutable, painful truth. Hell yes I cried when Meldrick broke down at last in Stan’s arms. But the episode went for another ten minutes after that, and I got myself together again. And then there was the end. And Frank. And I just felt numb and terrible FOR HOURS afterwards, so unfathomably sad for absolutely everyone and for absolutely every imaginable reason. This one stuck with me for ages, and it’s all that last moment’s fault. Well, that, and everything else. Everything.

whitlockienterprisespresents:

Great Gee Quotes - requested by tvfilmjunkie1984

panzercat:

MELDRICK YOU SHOWED UP FOR MUNCH’S RETIREMENT 
I LITERALLY CANNOT TELL YOU HOW THAT MAKES ME FEEL

panzercat:

MELDRICK YOU SHOWED UP FOR MUNCH’S RETIREMENT 

I LITERALLY CANNOT TELL YOU HOW THAT MAKES ME FEEL

By the way, you owe me eleven cents.

  • Bayliss: You think that there's one perfect person for each of us? I mean, what if your one true love was an Eskimo and you lived in Des Moines? And you had spent your whole life looking and looking and looking and then you never met her. Or, you did meet her, and she married another Eskimo.
  • Pembleton: There are a lot of nice girls in Des Moines.
  • Bayliss: Yeah, I know that Frank, but in your heart - in your heart, Frank! - you'd want the Eskimo.
  • Pembleton: Finding love is like solving the perfect crime. You look at every shred of evidence. You talk to every witness, follow up every lead. But more often than not what wins in the end is just pure, dumb luck. And you, my friend? Are just not lucky. By the way, you owe me eleven cents.
firstfloormetaphor:

Pembleton’s neckwear swagger

firstfloormetaphor:

Pembleton’s neckwear swagger

Where is it written a man can’t try something new every now and again?
windsprints:

it’s just couscous, man.

Where is it written a man can’t try something new every now and again?

windsprints:

it’s just couscous, man.

entegegenwartigung:


This is from s3! I think it’s one of these episodes: “Happy to Be Here,” “A Model Citizen,” or “In Search of Crimes Past.”


I just watched those 3 episodes and I couldn’t find it. Admittedly I was a little distracted, so I might have missed it. Maybe I will just watch all of season 3 again now, though… to make sure :)
EDIT: It’s from “All Through The House” - thanks to everyone who messaged me!

entegegenwartigung:

This is from s3! I think it’s one of these episodes: “Happy to Be Here,” “A Model Citizen,” or “In Search of Crimes Past.”

I just watched those 3 episodes and I couldn’t find it. Admittedly I was a little distracted, so I might have missed it. Maybe I will just watch all of season 3 again now, though… to make sure :)

EDIT: It’s from “All Through The House” - thanks to everyone who messaged me!

(Source: oh-whiskers)